today i got my picture taken next to a giant statue of poop.  then i took my co-teachers picture next to that poop.  it was great.  i think i really want to get into some sort of martial arts, but like, a martial arts that isn't popular. like, the kind of martial arts from kung fu panda where they fight with stilts.  i want to be the stilts fighting champion of the world.  where can i get training for that?  im pretty fierce already, i mean, today i ate Abikko's spiciest curry and nothing really happened, i mean, it had spice, but the spice lacked discipline. raw spice is not the way to a man's heart. that's how i feel about God, you know, there are idols out there, the fakes spices of the world, but they lack conviction and power, and so while being spicy all they will ever do is make me sweat, while the true spice will make me move.....my bowels.

One More Time, Gotta Celebrate

so here i am, sitting in the dark, drinking a smoothie while sweating profusely.  how did i get to this point?  ill tell you how.  it all started in the 2nd grade.  I always knew that someday i too could buy a smoothie a day.  its like my teachers always told me "A smoothie a day keeps the doctors away." and though they forgot to mention that that was due to having no money, i really took that to heart.  as i aged in both mental and physical prowess i expirmented with lower forms of frozen drinks.  Icees, slushies, frozen dr pepper.  all seemed good, exept deep down, i had this gaping hole.  and that hole, was filled by disapointment.  Then, a day came when i had some extra money so i bought a smoothie, i believe it was a strawberry.  now, i am an adult, and my passion for mango smoothies is unriveled.  also, its hot out so im sweating and when i came in the room the lights were off. i had planned to make this really long, but now im running out of time because i keep taking long smoothie breaks.

anywaya, Men in Black 3? heck yea.  might even sneak in a smoothie. If you know what i mean.  lets talk about overreacting.  koreans do it, i do it.  but i do it because im classy and classically trained actor.  parent teacher conferences this week and next week. knocking them out of the park.  then im leaving the park, and kicking them into a lake.  because im murdering them and dumping there bodies like in a mob movie, or that Hugh Grant movie where he marries into the mafia. i dont know what its called. oh! gotta go.

when Mandu dies, probably from all the poop she tries to eat, i will commemorate her life and passing by going to a taxidermist and then to a professional guitar maker, and have mandu made into the neck and head of a Fender Jaguar.  then, every time i play, it will look like im giving my dog one last scratch before she goes on that long long stairway to doggy purgatory.  also, i want the option of her face changing from a snarl, for the grind core music times, to a cute puppy face, for the swooning ladies music.

I was real excited to get Johnny Cash reads the Bible, but its so boring. Like, the boring parts of the bible are even more boring than when i read it.  but Johnny doesn't do the voices like i do, so....i dunno.  im turning The Expendables into an audiobook.  im taking all of the lines from the movie and repeating them, and during the action parts ill just make gun noises and dying noises.  THAT IS ALL

Sometimes i really want to go to vietnam and pay someone to let me shoot a cow with a bazooka.  it just feels worth it.  vietnam can make all your dreams come true.

Stabbed in the back

tonight I was stabbed in the back by the absence of what I assumed was a close personal friend. I think I'm going to vomit. I always assumed that my words could be used to get anyone to do anything, but it didn't work. So I'm at smoothie king and they really are the king of smoothies. If I had the option I would be the Lancelot to here round smoothi table. If I might be so bold, after they pulled the promised straw from the stone, I could have joined the ranks, all I would need is a new visa and a whole lotta zest. Not that I would need much more zest, some would say that I'm quite zestful to begin with. SUBMISSION OVER

coin flip, a delicious death

so as we all know, i have a keen fondness for mangos, which i am allergic to.  if you think about it, its really a romeo and juliet story, literally our union could kill someone, and just like in the story, once i've gobbled up the mangoes we could have both been killed.

ive been thinking, a lot of times when my kids try to tell me something at work i just become a huge jerk and i keep saying "describe it to me in words" which is all fine and well because they are supposed to speak, i just say it really......well, my tone, my tone is the jerky part.  anyway, that has me thinking about other ways to describe things, and i think what i really want to do is start describing things in dance.  you know example "Hey, how you feeling today"   <silence> Macarana (now thats probably spelled wrong but im not spanish nor am i a 90's idiot, so i think we can all look past that.)  or lets say im not really doing all that well and someones like, "Is something wrong?" Thriller Dance.  ok ok, now all of these are sort of based around questions about how i am, so lets get rolling, shall we, SHALL WE?  so lets say im trying to describe the asian pear instead of the american pear, huge difference, how will i pull this off? Ribbon dancing.  The ribbon will allow me to visual show you with your eyeballs and my sweet sweet moves what an asian pear and american pear look like.  Directions?  no problem, just disco point the way.  Our lives as we know it could be fundamentally changed, much like the Fantastic Four's, simply by dancing to communicate.

2 more things, i have a bruise on the side of me knee for some reason proving once and for all that i can't be unbreakable (huge blow, that realization nearly crippled me, emotionally and mentally) and second, i thought my computer was dead today so after i bought some roses i did the only humane thing, i turned it off and on again. and that is how i resurrected my computer from the brink of death.

I think that after this next Men In Black its time to reboot it from the beginning.  Im also going to propose that the new beginning is entitled "Men in Black 4: Independence Day 2"  thats right, i think the movie should star hot shot pilot Will Smith being contacted to join the MIB with his cool tech savy partner Agent Goldblum.  it would literally be the most important movie of all time.

oh well, if worst comes to worst i have another idea where while filming the movie the lead characters are stolen, thus becoming a movie in a movie.  this movie would be called Ocean's 14: Men in Black 4; Independence Day 2"  talk about a star studded cast, so many studs in this movie.  no one would hate this movie, it has something for everyone, latinos, white dudes, girls, guys, CGI Bernie Mac, toss in a little Goldblum and let Will Smith create the theme song/theme dance.  BOOM, greatest movie ever made, greatest story ever told.