She said tingly like 75 times

been doing some tweeting my reactions to movies.  i thought it was fun, and so i was thinking "what if i just did that to my life" but i think that might be like...the point of twitter.  so i will keep it sporadic except for my sweet tweets about terrible movies.writing a bunch of songs lately.
1. about a hurricane (mandolin)
2. love song, mainly dealing with the movie twister (guitar)
3. a "song" about the thundercats and lolcats (fruity loops)
4. a "song" about making cereal spell funny words (fruity loops)
5. a Families cover (mandolin)
6. a song about talking to girls (guitar with mandolin)
7. a song about that one elf from The Santa Clause and Wednesday from Adams Family (guitar)
8. a song about Zachaeas (guitar)
9. a song about marriage, all hypothetical (guitar, some synth)

yep....i think thats it but im not sure. Abe Lincoln is the best, i wanna see him go against Buffy.  and Van Helsing.  Sometimes i wish my life was more like the Smurfs life.  oh yea, so there was a typhoon here the other day, no big deal. went outside.  got my squirrel suit on, i was preparing for flight, but like...i mean, it was windy...but i had hoped for more.  if you want some video ask me sometime. its on my phone.  i refuse to learn how to post it here. all the best things are on my phone.  4 ril.  cant it get it out of my head. "dont talk black to me" SLAYS ME. i feel like life is best experienced while seeing something terrible. like a baby exploding, or Twilight.  those are comparable...right?  this one day i woke up, and i was like "no way theres work today" and then i was like "there cant be work today" AND THEEEEEEEN i was like "balls, 7:30....gotta get up." went to take my morning tinkle, realized it was saturday. HAZZAH! its one of those happy stories ive heard so much about.  Mythic in nature, beautiful in design. most of my morning pee stories are.

Doctors

I, like most people, assumed that if you lied to a doctor about being in pain, that that meant he would say the problem is over with sooner.  Turns out, thats not the case. thats not the case all.  they just take blood and know your lying.  then they ask you about how many poops you've taken. do you know how hard it is for a handsome lady's man such as myself to talk about my poops with cute nurses?  ruins everything! Jin Ahn knows what im talking about.

Musings

not really all that good at cataloguing my thoughts, really sporadic updating is the best I can promise. Lately I haven't been sleeping much, like an hour or two a night. Feels nostalgic, but in kind of an awful way. There are lots of bogus things that accompany not sleeping. One is the. Instant urge to vomit, though that could go away if I get used to the hours. Anyway, I feel mellowed out, so there's not much of interest to say right now. Just piecing things together, thinking about the future, mostly about robots though, I really want a robot dinosaur from the first Jurassic Park. Like some people think of cars as a status symbol, but I really just want a triceratops. Extrovert a pile of poop. mandu wants it too, it's the dream. I would feel so awesome riding to works everyday on a triceratops, no joke, every day would be the best day of my life. now I've got bright eyes stuck in m head.

do i have a concussion?

so today i was biking home and i started feeling real dizzy, then i started noticing it was raining, but i wasnt wet, well, it looked like it was raining, but there was no rain, but it looked so much like it was raining i kept checking.  almost fell off my bike from the dizzies. at dinner i was real angry, then sad, then back to angry. then on my way home i started feeling dizzy and i wanted to vomit and i remembered that i got hit in the head with a hockey stick today.  now im at home with a killer headache trying to stay awake so i can hang up my laundry.  so, do i have a concussion? i think i might, i looked it up, and i had quite a few of the symptoms.actually most of the symptoms. anywaaaaaaay, i looked it up, and i should be able to sleep without dyeing or going comatose. SO, later.

i have had a cold, so i am blaming the massive drool spots on pillow, on my clogged up nose.  sometimes i wish i had some lemmings, and like, i could control them to go up into my nose and just clear on out the boogers and snot, and redirect it to like, i dont know, a storage facility for when i feel really disgusted by something, so disgusted i need to spit, then i could be like, good thing i got a loogy supply all ready to go. or maybe i could use it on halloween and be someone needing an exorcism, and just projectile vomit snot all over the place.

its late

dry cleaners across the street just turned their lights on, thats a bad sign.  So it might just be because i think of the Backstreet Boys as a song, one song, instead of a band, but for this short rant, im going to refer to them as a band and assume they have multiple songs.  It seems to me, from my memory, that most of the Backstreet Boys songs can fit into two categories, songs about love and songs about "being back".  Heres the thing, where the heck are they going to that they need to be back all the time?  if their anything like N'sync they're certainly not going to space, so lets look at this by combining the two categories.  What i have surmised, expertly i might add, is that what the Backstreet Boys are saying is that they will love you and leave you, then come back....at some point.  total jerks.  lets all be outraged together.

feeling restless, might be because, i have not rested....thus...becoming restless.  theres so much better stuff to do when your awake.  lately i can see why i fell into old habits.  lets all agree that were smitten with kitten mittons.  (spelling makes sense if you know ANYTHING)  spending more time writing songs, thinking about the apocrypha.  i dont think thats wrong.  well, it might be.  WELL!!!! cafes are starting to brew coffee so i should take a cat nap.

Butter Coconut Biscuits

I gots the flue.  i gots it bad.  im thinking tonight i will spice things up a bit, i really want to watch anime like i usually do, but i think, just for tonight, i will instead turn off all the lights, tape glow sticks to my body, and practice taekwon do. but since there will glow sticks it wont suck.  i really want a camel bag. no, that's not right, what i really want is to be half camel so that i store up all the sweet sweet liquids for later.  can you imagine that, someones like, "im soo thirsty" and id just laugh and say "i used to be thirsty, before i got my camel hump i was stupid, just like you, you worm!"  the hump would definitely make me snooty...er..snootier.  ive been reading this book A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, its real good.  Jon Taube showed it to me, he smuggled it from his home like contraband in the dead of night.  under the gentle hum of his flashlight he showed me and said "the stuff in this book is good, everyone should read it"  honestly, might be the new "Perks of Being a Wallflower."  if someone ever decides to make a movie about my life, not that they will.  ive decided that i dont want the actor to wear make up in the movie, ive never worn make up so i feel as thought it would already start the movie on the wrong foot.  While i do mind lying about that, i wouldnt argue if the actor was a better singer, as long as they havent taken lessons before.  But what i cannot budge on, no matter what, is that the actor must have the same nose as me.  put him under the knife if you must.  on a side note, i found out recently that one of the old Korean teachers thought i was gay, guess i just toss that vibe around.  its a shame, i was trying to be real nice to her, but also to completely avoid her, which is my brand of seduction.  heres an example, lets say a girl is walking down the hall and she feels sleepy, its visible that shes sleepy and people have commented on it, but it hasnt caused any problems.  Then she gets to wherever shes going and BAM! vitamin drink with a note. yea, now that im reading it, sounds a tad gay.  maybe not gay, just stupid.  what have i been doing with my life!?  this would never happen if i had that camel hump. id say "hey baby, you want some nectar from my back hump?"  and then she'd be putty in my hands.  but whoever falls for that is either really awesome or is not the kind of girl you introduce to your parents.

just finished eating my bacon kimchi burritos, they were heavenly.  had a busy weekend.  dont want it to end.  i had this dream 2 nights ago that i was at the mall of america, but it was real rundown and there was a bonfire inside, well, less of a bonfire and more like a hobo cooking/warming fire.  anyway, 2 of the korean teachers were there too, and i remember only thinking it was strange that one of them was there, but not the other.   i went on a pretty long bike ride on wednesday, got real sunburned.  a nice beat red.  steamed beat, skin was still juicy.  not cracking or peeling or anything. i feel so lazy. i dont even want to play with mandu, although mandu plays rough and has been scratching my sunburn all week, so thats ok. i have yet to find a norae bang that has Teenage Dirtbag, and it kind of sickens me.  the good people of Korea need to know that Wheetus had a really good song, and that it is worth singing along to on a tv.

today i got my picture taken next to a giant statue of poop.  then i took my co-teachers picture next to that poop.  it was great.  i think i really want to get into some sort of martial arts, but like, a martial arts that isn't popular. like, the kind of martial arts from kung fu panda where they fight with stilts.  i want to be the stilts fighting champion of the world.  where can i get training for that?  im pretty fierce already, i mean, today i ate Abikko's spiciest curry and nothing really happened, i mean, it had spice, but the spice lacked discipline. raw spice is not the way to a man's heart. that's how i feel about God, you know, there are idols out there, the fakes spices of the world, but they lack conviction and power, and so while being spicy all they will ever do is make me sweat, while the true spice will make me move.....my bowels.

One More Time, Gotta Celebrate

so here i am, sitting in the dark, drinking a smoothie while sweating profusely.  how did i get to this point?  ill tell you how.  it all started in the 2nd grade.  I always knew that someday i too could buy a smoothie a day.  its like my teachers always told me "A smoothie a day keeps the doctors away." and though they forgot to mention that that was due to having no money, i really took that to heart.  as i aged in both mental and physical prowess i expirmented with lower forms of frozen drinks.  Icees, slushies, frozen dr pepper.  all seemed good, exept deep down, i had this gaping hole.  and that hole, was filled by disapointment.  Then, a day came when i had some extra money so i bought a smoothie, i believe it was a strawberry.  now, i am an adult, and my passion for mango smoothies is unriveled.  also, its hot out so im sweating and when i came in the room the lights were off. i had planned to make this really long, but now im running out of time because i keep taking long smoothie breaks.

anywaya, Men in Black 3? heck yea.  might even sneak in a smoothie. If you know what i mean.  lets talk about overreacting.  koreans do it, i do it.  but i do it because im classy and classically trained actor.  parent teacher conferences this week and next week. knocking them out of the park.  then im leaving the park, and kicking them into a lake.  because im murdering them and dumping there bodies like in a mob movie, or that Hugh Grant movie where he marries into the mafia. i dont know what its called. oh! gotta go.

when Mandu dies, probably from all the poop she tries to eat, i will commemorate her life and passing by going to a taxidermist and then to a professional guitar maker, and have mandu made into the neck and head of a Fender Jaguar.  then, every time i play, it will look like im giving my dog one last scratch before she goes on that long long stairway to doggy purgatory.  also, i want the option of her face changing from a snarl, for the grind core music times, to a cute puppy face, for the swooning ladies music.

I was real excited to get Johnny Cash reads the Bible, but its so boring. Like, the boring parts of the bible are even more boring than when i read it.  but Johnny doesn't do the voices like i do, so....i dunno.  im turning The Expendables into an audiobook.  im taking all of the lines from the movie and repeating them, and during the action parts ill just make gun noises and dying noises.  THAT IS ALL

Sometimes i really want to go to vietnam and pay someone to let me shoot a cow with a bazooka.  it just feels worth it.  vietnam can make all your dreams come true.

Stabbed in the back

tonight I was stabbed in the back by the absence of what I assumed was a close personal friend. I think I'm going to vomit. I always assumed that my words could be used to get anyone to do anything, but it didn't work. So I'm at smoothie king and they really are the king of smoothies. If I had the option I would be the Lancelot to here round smoothi table. If I might be so bold, after they pulled the promised straw from the stone, I could have joined the ranks, all I would need is a new visa and a whole lotta zest. Not that I would need much more zest, some would say that I'm quite zestful to begin with. SUBMISSION OVER

coin flip, a delicious death

so as we all know, i have a keen fondness for mangos, which i am allergic to.  if you think about it, its really a romeo and juliet story, literally our union could kill someone, and just like in the story, once i've gobbled up the mangoes we could have both been killed.

ive been thinking, a lot of times when my kids try to tell me something at work i just become a huge jerk and i keep saying "describe it to me in words" which is all fine and well because they are supposed to speak, i just say it really......well, my tone, my tone is the jerky part.  anyway, that has me thinking about other ways to describe things, and i think what i really want to do is start describing things in dance.  you know example "Hey, how you feeling today"   <silence> Macarana (now thats probably spelled wrong but im not spanish nor am i a 90's idiot, so i think we can all look past that.)  or lets say im not really doing all that well and someones like, "Is something wrong?" Thriller Dance.  ok ok, now all of these are sort of based around questions about how i am, so lets get rolling, shall we, SHALL WE?  so lets say im trying to describe the asian pear instead of the american pear, huge difference, how will i pull this off? Ribbon dancing.  The ribbon will allow me to visual show you with your eyeballs and my sweet sweet moves what an asian pear and american pear look like.  Directions?  no problem, just disco point the way.  Our lives as we know it could be fundamentally changed, much like the Fantastic Four's, simply by dancing to communicate.

2 more things, i have a bruise on the side of me knee for some reason proving once and for all that i can't be unbreakable (huge blow, that realization nearly crippled me, emotionally and mentally) and second, i thought my computer was dead today so after i bought some roses i did the only humane thing, i turned it off and on again. and that is how i resurrected my computer from the brink of death.

I think that after this next Men In Black its time to reboot it from the beginning.  Im also going to propose that the new beginning is entitled "Men in Black 4: Independence Day 2"  thats right, i think the movie should star hot shot pilot Will Smith being contacted to join the MIB with his cool tech savy partner Agent Goldblum.  it would literally be the most important movie of all time.

oh well, if worst comes to worst i have another idea where while filming the movie the lead characters are stolen, thus becoming a movie in a movie.  this movie would be called Ocean's 14: Men in Black 4; Independence Day 2"  talk about a star studded cast, so many studs in this movie.  no one would hate this movie, it has something for everyone, latinos, white dudes, girls, guys, CGI Bernie Mac, toss in a little Goldblum and let Will Smith create the theme song/theme dance.  BOOM, greatest movie ever made, greatest story ever told.